To Many Jokes for this One.

Steve — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 15:59:23 +0000

OK. When Samantha sent this to me in my email I knew immediately it had to be posted on the site. Unfortunately all the captions to go with it swirled in my head like the Golden Corral Ice Cream Machine. So instead of one lame pun, you get several. Feel free to vote on your favorite or least favorite in the comment section.

1. Can you hear me now? BRAAAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS

2. Maybe it’s time to switch cellphone providers…

3. It’s time to renew your contract for life…

4. Apple’s iPhone probably has an app for that too.

5. It’s time for an upgrade!

6. Talk about your Dead Zones!!

The End.

Once again the news warns us and doesn’t realize it.

Steve — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 18:31:10 +0000

Thanks Samantha for forwarding this!

You probably helped save some lives!!!

Nothing to do with Zombies, but…

Steve — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 15:32:23 +0000

On August 4th, as I sat at dinner with some friends I accidentally coined a new term for a woman’s special nether region. After a few laughs, I Googled the new term, and to my surprise could not find anything relating my term to this special spot. So today I will Trademark, so to speak this new term and share it with the rest of the world.

On this 5th day of August in the year 2009, I Steve Carter, claim the term “Sugar Purse“* to be used by all as a slang reference to a woman’s vagina.

* Please use responsibly. May cause explosive diarrhea and/or sudden death. If erection last for more than 4 hours, keep partying. Use at your own risk. May cause bodily injury from females.

My kids will be so proud.

You are welcome world!!

CAUTION: Zombies Ahead!!

Steve — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 20:39:06 +0000

Pranks involving electronic road signs stir worry
Feb 4, 01:49 PM EST

COLLINSVILLE, Ill. (AP) — Hackers are messing with electronic road signs in some states, warning of zombies and raptors down the road. Traffic safety officials aren’t amused.

The latest breach came during Tuesday morning’s rush hour near Collinsville, Ill., east of St. Louis. That’s where hackers changed a sign along southbound Interstate 255 to read, “DAILY LANE CLOSURES DUE TO ZOMBIES.”

Similar pranks have been pulled in recent days near Indianapolis and in Austin, Texas.

The Illinois Department of Transportation’s Joe Gasaway worries that such pranks distract drivers from legitimate hazards down the road, perhaps endangering road crews.

In Illinois, tampering with an official traffic control device is a misdemeanor punishable by up to a $250 fine.

Braaaains. On your desk.

Steve — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 20:58:54 +0000

Life isn’t fair. Some people are born with good looks, others are born with exceptional talents and skills, and still others are born with massive intelligence. You? Well, you were born with all of those qualities (we know . . . just like us). But what to do with the rest of the world - all those inferior to you? We recommend unleashing the undead. Not a horde or anything that could get out of control, but just a single Zombie to feast on the tiny brains who work around you.

You are in full control of this zombie, don’t worry. Just use the Brain Remote Control and your undead minion will obey your command to shamble forward towards its intended meal. And just to show you how much it likes you, your R/C Zombie will groan as it shuffles, too (press button, he walks and groans; press it again, he stops). To help your zombie, you can also pose its articulated neck, shoulders, and hips. Just keep reminding your zombie that it shouldn’t eat a big brain like yours; it should eat many little brains like those found in your coworkers’ heads. Because studies have shown that many little meals during the day are much better for you than one big meal. Braaaaiiiiins.

R/C Zombie

Features: Unbelievable walking and groaning r/c action; articulated neck, shoulders, and hips (for extra posability)
Includes: R/C Zombie (7.75″ tall) and Brain-shaped Remote Control (2.75″ long)
Batteries: 3 AAA (not included)

If you are like me and have to have this try: http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/rc/a19a/

Zombies need love too.

Steve — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 20:45:12 +0000

Created by Mingle2.com (Dating for non-zombies)

SO it has been awhile since I have updated the site, and yes, I am sorry. But I have been collecting information for the masses during the down time. So for your viewing and brain chewing enjoyment see above. The good people at Mingle2.com have seen fit to help out the undead in their pairing off. Or even as far as matching the undead with the living (not recommended). SO have a look see and maybe find your true love.

http://mingle2.com/zombieharmony/free-dating-sites#

p.s. Thanks to Brandon for this one.

Its happening.

Steve — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 15:39:02 +0000

Just in time for the Holidays.. The Apocolypse! Thanks Sam for finding this.

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/75741/Killer-virus-grips-Britain

It ate a squirrel

Steve — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 14:24:19 +0000

If you worry for the sanity of your precious lawn gnomes, please don’t continue reading. This is not for you. Your lawn ornaments will not be happy with this creepy addition to your greenery. Law enforcement might not be too happy with this either. There is sure to be some unwanted calls to the police about the corpse which is seemingly emerging from your garden.

The Garden Zombie is not for the faint of heart. It will scare the hell out all of the other doodads you have lying around your grass. Created by British artist Alan Dickinson for Toscano design, the Garden Zombie would be an awesome addition to your exterior decor for the Halloween season or just simply a way to scare those damn kids off your lawn.

The morbid land ornament is so realistic that people might think that the zombies are finally attacking. Tired of their underground prison. Lucky for us, the zombie is indeed just a sculpture, no matter how realistic the life-sized gray-toned Garden Zombie looks.

The Garden Zombie ships in three pieces, measuring 31½” x 19½ Dx 8″ and weighing 13 pounds is available for purchase for around $90. It’s a little pricey for something you place outside in your garden, but it might just be worth the peace and quiet, not to mention the looks you get from neighbors.

Buy it here.

Is it starting?

Steve — Fri, 09 May 2008 21:18:13 +0000

The following story is breaking news. See words like quarantine. Zombie outbreak for sure. I am not worried since this incident seems to be contained. But one person was removed to a local hospital. Hopefully they don’t bite anyone.

Train quarantined in Ontario with mystery illness

Updated: May 9, 2008 02:57 PM EDT

TORONTO (AP) — Canadian authorities quarantined a train in northern Ontario Friday after a woman died and several other people came down with an undetermined illness.

Officials were keeping passengers from leaving the train, said Steve Trinier, the director of ambulance services in the area.

The train was being held in the station in the town of Foleyet, 500 miles northwest of Toronto. The station was evacuated.

As many as 10 people were ill with flu-like symptoms. The illnesses appeared to be contained to two cars on the train of 269 passengers and 30 crew members.

One person was taken to hospital and is in stable condition, Trinier said.

The cross country Via passenger train was headed from Vancouver to Toronto when emergency officials received a call Friday morning and met the train in Foleyet.

Police constable Marc Depatie told CBC TV there were reports that the woman who died was in her 60s and already had flulike symptoms when she boarded the train with a group of tourists in Jasper, Alberta.

Seven other members of her party were experiencing similar but not extreme symptoms, he said.

Trinier said authorities did not know the cause of the illnesses yet.

“There’s certainly a possibility of something as simple as food poisoning and also an environmental toxin of some sort,” Trinier said.

Health officials were on the alert for norovirus, though they said that has not been identified as the cause.

Noroviruses cause stomach flu and can be caught through contact with infected people or by touching or ingesting contaminated items.

The Few, The Proud, The Undead

Steve — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 10:17:13 +0000

After a lot of time and consideration, something had to be done to rate contributors and businesses on an even scale. Without this scale how would you, the consumer, survivalist, and humanitarian know who to trust in your time of need? I can not divulge how we here at Zombieedu.net decides who is worthy of praise, but I can show you what those being praised will receive. So I now present to you, the savy reader of the undead articles in your thirst for knowledge, the official Zombie Seal of Approval. This prestigious award will only be given to a select few who impress with their contributions to the knowledge and growth for humanity against the undead.